Turning Up the Dials: Habit and Spontaneity in Coaching Conversations

A recent coaching conversation offered one of those examples where a metaphor completely shifts perspective — a "lightbulb moment" that stayed with both of us.

My client and I were exploring the interplay between habit and spontaneity. They described feeling caught between the two: either leaning into structured routines to stay grounded, or trying to be more spontaneous and responsive to feel lighter and more creative. It seemed like a tug-of-war, one approach always winning at the expense of the other.

But as we stayed with the reflection, we shifted the frame. What if it isn’t a single continuum, a choice between opposites — from “structured” at one end to “spontaneous” at the other? What if these two qualities aren’t competing for space, but can coexist, in different measures, depending on what is needed?

That’s when we had the image of a graphic equaliser.

For those old enough to remember, the old-fashioned graphic equalisers on stereos had a row of vertical sliders you could move up or down to adjust different sound frequencies. You didn’t have to pick one. You could fine-tune each to create exactly the tone and texture you wanted.

Imagine applying that to coaching or leadership practice.

Instead of a single line between habit and spontaneity, picture two sliders side by side:

·       One for Habit/Routine — bringing consistency, rhythm, predictability, and comfort.

·       Another for Spontaneity/Flow — bringing openness, responsiveness, creativity, and energy.

Both are valuable. Both serve different purposes. And crucially, we can choose how high or low each needs to be in any given situation.

This proved to be a really valuable metaphor to explore with my client and also think about afterwards in relation to my own practice as a coach.

Many of us develop strong habits, ways of opening sessions, questions we often draw on, familiar frameworks or processes that feel comfortable. Over time, those patterns can become so embedded that spontaneity takes a back seat. But when we consciously “tune” our approach again, something opens — a sense of renewed choice and creative freedom.

The same applies in reverse: if we always prefer spontaneity, we might find that important routines (reflection notes, contracting, or boundaries) start to slip. Adjusting the dials helps us stay balanced, present, and intentional.

Turn up the habit dial when needing to establish structure, reliability, and containment.  for example, when helping a client build sustainable routines or ground new behaviours.

Turn up the spontaneity dial when the conversation calls for deeper curiosity, experimentation, or a shift in energy, perhaps when a client feels stuck and new perspectives are needed.

If we notice and explore what’s needed in each moment, we can consciously decide which “dial” to raise or lower, rather than operating on autopilot at fixed settings.

So perhaps this week, as you reflect on your practice, you might pause and ask:

·       What habits are serving me well right now? Which might need fine-tuning?

·       Where could more spontaneity bring freshness or curiosity back into my work?

Like the best sound mix, it’s not about one or the other. It’s about finding harmony between the two — a dynamic rhythm that changes with the flow of the conversation, the client, and the moment.