Main Character Energy or System Thinking?
- Gayle Hudson
- Mar 23
- 3 min read
“Main Character Syndrome”
“Main character syndrome” describes someone who behaves as if they are the protagonist in every situation, while others are relegated to side characters or background extras.
I should point out that this isn’t a recognised mental health diagnosis! Prevalent on social media, it’s a description for those with inflated self-importance and a strong need for attention. Interestingly, many commentators also note that these behaviours are often fuelled by anxiety, insecurity and low self-esteem, with people constructing a “main character” persona to cope.
Ego: not just big, also small
Of course Main Character Syndrome is really about ego.
We tend to associate ego with being big, inflated and loud: the person who dominates the conversation, needs the limelight, or can’t see beyond their own perspective. But ego also shows up when we feel small, anxious and exposed.
For example, think of walking into a meeting where:
There are people you feel intimidated by.
You’re under pressure to perform or prove yourself.
You’re already carrying fear or anxiety from previous experiences.
In that moment, the internal narrative might sound like:
“Everyone’s looking at me.”
“They’re judging every word I say.”
“If I get this wrong, I’ll be found out.”
This is ego too—quieter, but still centred on “me.”
The focus is still “me,” just in the negative: I am the problem, I am the fraud, I am the one under the harsh spotlight. The spotlight is the same; it has simply swung from “I’m amazing” to “I’m not enough.”
From “main character” to “part of the system”
One practical move that can help is to shift attention from “me as the main character” to “me as part of a bigger system.”
Here’s how that can look in practice:
Widen the lens
Before or during a meeting, gently notice when your attention has collapsed in on yourself – your performance, your image, your perceived status. Then ask:
“What’s the wider system here – team, organisation, stakeholders, community?”
“What is actually trying to happen in this meeting?”
Reconnect with role
Instead of “What do they think of me?” explore:
“What is my role here?”
“What am I here to contribute?”
“What does this system need from me right now – information, clarity, a challenge, support?”
Be clear on your purpose
When the ego is noisy, both in its “I must shine” and “I must not mess up” modes, purpose tends to go blurry. Bringing the focus back to the shared purpose of the meeting – and your role in serving that purpose – can be very regulating. A simple question is:
“If I set aside my image for a moment, what would be the most useful thing I could do next?”
De-personalise your feelings
You can recognise the anxious narrative as “ego talking” without shaming it. A compassionate internal line might be:
“Ah, there’s my ego trying to keep me safe by over-focusing on me.”
“Thank you – and right now, I’m choosing to pay attention to the bigger picture.”
When people practise this shift, they often describe a felt sense of relief. The pressure eases when they stop auditioning for the lead role and instead take their seat as one connected part of a wider whole.
Calming the ego by seeing the system
If “main character syndrome” is one expression of an ego that’s taken centre stage (either in pride or in fear) then one of the kindest things we can do for ourselves is to remember that we are not the whole story.
We are part of a team, a system, a web of relationships and histories. Our presence matters, our role matters – and we do not have to carry the whole plot on our shoulders.
Next time you feel that tight, self-conscious energy before a meeting, you might try pausing and asking:
“What’s the bigger system I’m stepping into?”
“What’s my role here?”
“What’s one useful thing I can do, given that role, in the next 10 minutes?”
Often, simply recognising our ego is enough to move us from being the anxious star of an imagined film to being a grounded contributor in real life.
Comments