The Ridge and the Wave: Metaphor in Coaching

I’ve been talking with a lot of leaders recently about change and “resistance.” The same story keeps showing up. Some people are all in, they embrace change, are able to adapt and move quickly. Others seem to dig in, question, hesitate, or simply stay put.

In the coaching space I’m hearing about a lot of frustration, anger, resentment and conflict that can bubble away when change enthusiasts work alongside change resistors.   

Reframe

I’d just come back from visiting my parents at Westward Ho! In north Devon. If you’ve been, you’ll know the scene. A huge tidal beach. A long ridge of pebbles. The sea coming in and out every day.

At high tide, the sea crashes against the pebble ridge which is the only barrier that prevents the village beyond getting flooded.

Watching this, I was reminded of those conversations with leaders who feel stuck with “stuck” people.

The waves are full of energy and movement. The ridge stays put. It's easy to cast them as opposites. In organisational life, we tend to celebrate the waves. The people who drive things forward, love innovation, and jump into change. We complain about the ridge. The people who ask questions, slow things down, or wait. But the ridge exists for a reason. It protects. It absorbs impact. It holds a boundary between sea and town.

Using metaphor

One coaching conversation was with a leader who felt exhausted from “pushing” change through their team.

He described feeling like they were dragging some people along. “They just won’t move,”

I offered the image of the pebble ridge.

We sat with it for a while. The waves as the drive for change. The ridge as the people who hold firm.

A few things began to land for them:

• The “ridge” in their team was not just obstructive. It was also protective.

• Those team members were often the ones who spotted risk and held history.

• Without them, change could be too rapid and have knock on impact.

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Metaphor gave us enough distance to look again. This wasn’t about blaming individuals. It became about understanding roles, functions, and impact.

Pebbles that move and change

Look again at that ridge and you realise something else. It isn’t static.

The pebbles are constantly being moved, nudged, and reshaped. Twice a day, the tide comes in. Over time, the ridge looks the same from a distance, but the individual pebbles have shifted their place and shape.

We often treat “resistant” people as fixed. As if they never move. But like the pebbles, they are being affected by every conversation, decision, and wave of change around them.

Coaches can explore this with clients with questions such as:

• How might those “ridge” people actually be moving, just at a different pace or on a different timescale?

• What small shifts are already happening that go unnoticed because we are only looking for big visible change?

• How might the system itself recreate the ridge because it needs protection and continuity?

It stops being a simple story of “change good, resistance bad” and becomes a more honest systemic picture that has nuance and tensions.

What does it feel like to be a pebble?

We can invite the client into the metaphor, rather than just talking about it from the outside.

You might ask:

• What might it feel like to be one pebble on that ridge?

• If the waves hit you twice a day, every day, how does that experience build up over time?

• How tiring or wearing might that be?

• What would you start doing in response?  Holding tighter. Digging in. Rolling away.

For a leader, this can spark real empathy.

They begin to imagine what it is like to be on the receiving end of constant initiatives, restructures, new systems, new priorities.

Suddenly, “resistance” looks less like stubbornness and more like self‑protection.

From there, different questions become possible:

• What would it take to feel less battered?

• What would support look like for the ridge in your team?

• Where might you be contributing to the size and frequency of the waves?

And what does it feel like to be a wave?

Of course, many of our clients identify more with the waves. They are the ones driving change, holding the vision, and carrying the pressure from above.

You can work with that too:

• What does it feel like to constantly crash up against the ridge?

• Where does frustration show up in your body and behaviour?

• How do you experience “no,” “wait,” or “I’m not ready” from others?

When clients step into the experience of being both wave and pebble, the conversation about change becomes richer.

It allows them to see their own part in the dynamic, rather than positioning themselves as the one who is right and everyone else as the problem.

Helping clients locate themselves

A simple but effective question set with this metaphor is:

• In this situation, when are you the wave….

• When are you the pebble….

• Where are others on the ridge? Where are the big waves coming from?

• What happens to the system if the waves stop? What happens if the ridge disappears?

This helps clients:

• Notice how they move between roles depending on context.

• Acknowledge that they too resist at times, and they too drive at others.

• Develop empathy for people holding the opposite position.

Instead of a stuck “me versus them” narrative, you open up a more systemic view.

The focus shifts from “How do I make them change” to “How do we work with both the energy and the protection in this system.”

Why metaphor works so well in coaching

Metaphor creates just enough distance for people to see familiar patterns with fresh eyes. When emotions are high, that distance is invaluable.

Rather than arguing about whether a particular person is resistant or difficult, you are both looking at pebbles, waves, and ridges. From there, insight can emerge with less defensiveness.

As coaches, we can:

• Offer a metaphor from our own experience and see what resonates.

• Invite clients to generate their own images and stay curious about what shows up.

• Move in and out of the metaphor, linking it back to real relationships, behaviours, and choices.

The power is not in being clever with language.

It is in creating a shared picture that allows clients to feel, sense, and understand their world in a new way.

Some practical ways to use the pebble ridge metaphor with leaders

If you want to experiment with this metaphor in your own coaching, here are some simple starting points:

• Begin with curiosity

  Ask your client to describe a current change they are leading. Then introduce the image: “If this team were a stretch of coastline with waves and a pebble ridge, where would you place yourself? Where would you place others? ”

• Explore both roles

  Invite them to step into each position. “As the wave, what are you wanting, fearing, pushing for?  As the pebble, what are you protecting, worried about, holding on to?”

• Impact over time

Use the rhythm of the tide. “If this goes on twice a day for months, what happens? To the waves? To the ridge? To individual pebbles?” This opens questions about sustainability, burnout, and long term impact.

• Name the function, not just the behaviour

  Ask, “What function might this ‘resistance’ be serving for the team or organisation? What might collapse or be lost if it vanished overnight?”

• Look for small movements

  Encourage clients to notice micro‑shifts. “Where have you seen even one pebble move? What contributed to that? How could you support more of those small moves rather than expecting the whole ridge to disappear?”

  
  

In all of this, the metaphor is a tool, not the point.

The point is the shift in perspective that allows more compassion, more choice, and more intentional action.

Metaphor helps create a bit of distance so we can see things from a different perspective. And sometimes, that slight distance is exactly what lets a leader soften, see more clearly, and start to recognise, appreciate and work across the whole system.