Are You Leading or Carrying?

Many leaders I work with are Strivers. They’ve built their reputation on hard work. They show up early, take responsibility and step in when things go wrong. They always go the extra mile because they care deeply about the work, and the people. That’s often why they became leaders in the first place.

Over time, something starts to shift. The workload grows, the pressure increases and competing priorities stack up. The instinct that once made them successful starts to work against them: they step in, absorb pressure from above and protect their team from the fallout. They think, I can carry a bit more. For a while it works, until it does not.

The hidden cost of a strong work ethic

Strivers often carry some of these unspoken beliefs: if something needs doing, I should do it; if my team are stretched, I will take the load; if something might go wrong, I will step in. This comes from good intent, but over time

·       work expands around them,

·       teams rely on them to absorb pressure and

·       their own capacity quietly disappears.

They often find they have less and less time for the strategic thinking because they are so busy doing everything else. They can start to feel trapped in the role they worked so hard to reach. Many say the same thing in coaching: “I am not sure I want the next promotion if it just means more of this.”

As Marshall Goldsmith says - What got you here will not get you there

The habits that build credibility early in a career do not always work in senior leadership. At some point leadership shifts from doing to shaping. That means learning to hold boundaries when pressure rises, to share responsibility instead of absorbing it and to allow others to carry challenge and stretch.

This can feel uncomfortable for people who pride themselves on service, reliability and being there for their team. But leadership is not about carrying everything yourself; it’s about building capacity in the system around you.

Responsibility is not the same as accountability

One shift that helps is separating responsibility from accountability. Responsibility is about doing the work. Accountability is about ensuring the work happens. Many leaders blur these together and, because they feel accountable, they also take on the responsibility.

Sustainable leadership requires a different stance: you remain accountable, but you do not do everything.

Boundaries as good leadership, not selfishness

Boundaries are often framed as personal wellbeing, but in leadership they are also about role modelling. Your team learns what is normal by watching you. If you answer emails late every night, they notice; if you carry every problem yourself, they notice.

When leaders hold clear boundaries, they give others permission to do the same. That is not weakness; it is culture in action.

Drawing some lines in the sand

Most leaders do not need a complete overhaul; they need a few intentional shifts. Clarify which decisions must stay with you, which work should grow others and which pressures should move back up the system rather than stopping at your desk. By drawing a few firm lines, you role model the culture you want to see and protect your own health and wellbeing so you can lead sustainably for the long term.

A coaching question to ponder

If you were leading in a way you could happily sustain for the next five years, what would you start doing differently now?